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Grandpa Rick is a grumpy person that is occasionally nice.. occasionally..Anyway he's been working on this blog template for the about 2 days and is pretty bothered by the fact that it took him so long to remember how to use Macromedia Dreamweaver again. His help eventually came in the form of LYC his "son" and miss poutyface his mei.. With the utmost torment by lawrence to work hard, he finally was able to create this below average template with (finally!) working layers. Go ahead and have a good time reading (or laughing at) this blog and above all remember that God loves you. Grandpa Rick is in actual fact 19 (just barely) at the point of completion of this blog template (26th October 2006) having already had his birthday on the 22nd of October. Born
into a family with a father that lacks hair and a brother that has too
much of it growing on his legs, Grandpa Rick grew up traumatised by
his older brother that occasionally liked to sit on him and has a weird
fetish thing going on with anime figurines. His parents however were
a blessing to him and aside from the odd argument from time to time,
Grandpa Rick usually listens to them. He also has a poor traumatised
younger sister that is constantly the butt of his fat jokes (though
it cannot be helped seeing as to how she walks into most if not all
of them) but he tries to take good care of her.. operative word being
TRY of course. All in all poor Grandpa Rick has been traumatised by
his siblings when he was younger and now get along with them more or
less fine.. However the trauma he suffered as a child has given him
quite the quirky attitude to life. The biggest influence to his life however is God. Grandpa Rick old (or young if you want) as he is is deeply in love with God. The person that has helped him through all his troubled times and the one that has sent many a friend his direction when he needed help. God has always been there for him and Grandpa Rick is very grateful. He often gets inspired by God to write poetry (which can be found along with other things in all "All that good stuff") or songs without the lyrics in tribute of God. Grandpa Rick believes that God died to save him from all sin and believes that God is his lord and saviour. Through many close and personal encounters with God, Grandpa Rick is certain about God's love and God's plan for his life. He hopes to live in God's way and let God guide him in all that he does. Of course, Grandpa Rick is still learning and is prone to the occasional (oh alright, frequent) mistake. But the key point here is that Grandpa Rick loves God and that there is nothing that he wouldn't do for Him. Finally
it is to be said that it isnt a good thing to get Grandpa Rick angry..
you see old people dont handle anger very well and goodness knows what
happens when Grandpa Rick goes over the edge.
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This is the All that good stuff layer.. in here will be my personal top 10 or top 20 list of songs to hear.. (be very prepared for alot of punk rock) also included will be all the poetry that i have ever written almost all of which are God inspired.. just becasue God is so good to me! other things may be added i guess.. like pictures and stuff if i have the time (and if i actually do take pictures). This is an experimental layer basically where all the stuff i think about (most of them very weird.. you have officially been warned) that dont go into my post will be posted here. alright lets get started Top
20 Praise and Worship Songs (this list may and most probably will change) 20.
For This Cause Top 20 Other Songs (again list might and most probably will change) 20.
Emotionless Top
5 bands the secret link to what i really think Amusing or meaningful statements i've made or heard (statement in front source behind) "You're
gona be a what?! .. wait wait this is big shit.." - Brian "Im
a vegetarian.. but i eat chicken and fish and pork and..." - Jason
ng Poetry (expect this to be very long) Longings
of my soul My
Praise to Him my worship to God if
all you actions were your worship to God Kester's Ego Booster kester
is a ladies man though
he keeps denying that he's hot even
the other guys in church why
does he keep denying it cos
kester ur hot why dont u see? he
sucks all girls like a strong magnet i
must say that though he's short when
the street he walks down by jealous
guys from everywhere girls
will find him quite a guy of
course he'll always be the first they
love his cute manly name but
more even better is his mass appeal you'll
see his face on every wall cos
around him they all turn ape his
muscular arms that are oh so strong the
lime was not ordinary kester
kiong you are so hot and
after that mayb go out how
to reply? was what he thought but
then he thought nah im too young i'll
wait till i am much older thus
ends our tale of kester the hot i
wonder the reaction we will get Turn to Him!
Dreams these
dreams they haunt my sleep at night All He's done for me through
my darkest lonely days Use me God take
this heart O God and work Your wonders In His Name the
world is in turmoil Hurt lock
me up and throw away the key Did you know? did
you know when you're alone Purpose i
ask the reason for my birth My life Hurt
and alone The beast in my heart as
the night falls still and shadows loom |
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
call upon the name of the Lord and be saved!
God is looking for you now.. will you let Him pick you up and carry you THROUGH the storm? THROUGH because only after you go through the storm will you see that God is good and God will protect you and that God LOVES you.. only after you go through the storm will you be able to see that you CAN put ALL your faith in God and He does NOT judge you.. He loves you so much so that He died on the CROSS to save you and give you eternal life yes GIVE its a gift.. and all you have to do to recievethat gift is to believe.. call upon the name of the Lord and be saved!
Monday, October 19, 2009
ok.. so after such a long hiatius, its finally back to the writing for me..well the typing..the blogging.. yea u get what i mean
ok truth be told.. i never wanted to continue posting on this blog anymore.. or any other blogs for that matter.. but today my mind was changed thanks to the exceptional posts by the members of oak on the oak blog! now lets not take anything away from the people that posted.. but what i realised that the blog can be used to really encourage people.. and i guess thats what i wana try doing.. now in any case.. and im truely encoraged by what was written on the oak blog.. but back and down to business.. the reason for this post.. well you know.. im definate that no one actually bothers to check and read his blog anymore.. but just in case anyone does. i shall post about sth very close to my heart right now..the coming church camp.. now before any1 of us starts to get the wrong idea that i am only excited about the camp because i am the one in charge of co-ordinating this camp, think again.. i am excited about this camp because i know in my heart that God wants to meet people in this camp.. SO.. lets begin shall we? 'set apart' - the theme of the camp itself is something that is in itself already very close to me and my heart.. why? because it was with these very words that God called me into full time ministry.. yes for those of you who still have no idea.. yes i am called into full time ministry.. i know in my heart that i am.. but that is a side point.. being set apart.. what does that really mean? does it mean to be "saved" or to be put aside for a later date.. stored in that sense for a time in which it is fitting? but does being set apart mean when it comes to our lives? when we set apart something in our everyday lives.. we always always always set apart the best.. why? because we like it.. we treasure what we set apart, it is so precious that only in the most special of occasions will we use it.. or only when we have the most important of guests will we bring them out and share them with our guests.. correct? in the same way, God is callin us to be set apart, He is calling the best to be set apart.. now dont get me wrong.. i am not saying that we are the best and everything because many of us will instantly dis-agree that we are not the best.. just take a look at our flaws, our mistakes and or lives and we will immediately see that we are not the best when it comes to many things.. but get this.. we are all called to be set apart! but wait! didnt i say we are called to be set apart, then at the same time say we are not the best because of our flaws and mistakes and all.. so why then are we called to be set apart if we are not the best? the thing is people, that we ARE the best.. perhaps not the best at what we want to do.. but we definately are the best for the plan that God has for us.. God has the best plan in store for us! just imagine it this way.. when He created us, He looked at us and went.. "WOW! this person is absolutely Perfect for this plan i have!" now all we need is to heed His call and be set apart for Him! what do i mean? what i mean is that.. there are people in your life that YOU can bring to God, that God has made you the perfect vessel to bring His word and His salvation to! because of who you are, where you are and the relationship you have with the person.. YOU are the perfect vessel for God to use to bring that person to Him! Perhaps because the person only feels comfortable talking to you? or perhaps because in the group of friends that this person has, you are probably the only one that can share God's glory and goodness to them? or perhaps its because this person looks up to you and the influence you have in their lives make you the perfect person to share the gospel with him/her? it could be ANY reason..but it all boils down to the fact that God has called you to be set apart for Him because YOU ARE THE BEST FOR THESE PEOPLE! and God loves everyone! and it is precisely because God loves everyone that He gives them the best! which is why He is calling you to be set apart for Him..so He can give the best to the people around you! haha.. so much talk and i'm only just about 1/3 the way through of why im so excited about this camp.. the next reason why im so excited about this camp is really just due to the fact that through my prayers, God has told me that He wants to meet many people during this camp. that He has a plan for this camp and that this camp will be a life changing camp for the people that go for it.. but He says that it doesnt have to stop there! it can change the lives of the people that dont go for the camp either! i firmly believe after today's prayer that He doesnt want the life changing to stop at just those who go for the camp.. but that those who go for the camp will go out and impact the people around them! those who come for the camp will spread the fire to those of us that do not go for the camp! i believe firmly that God has called many of us to meet Him.. now all that it takes is for us to step out in faith and approach Him. so i really urge you all, that when you go for the camp, that you will really make an effort to learn what God is trying to tell you, that during the quiet times that you have, yes fellowship with one another, fellowship with each other but also, remember to take time to sit at the feet of God and allow Him to speak to you.. to speak of things that He has in mind especially and only for you! can you imagine how exciting it is? that God, the creator of the universe and the one who created you, gave you life and breath has plans that He only wants YOU to hear! that He invites specifically YOU to take part in because YOU are perfect for those plans! wow! i really am so excited for each and every one of the campers that are going for the camp.. because God has indeed chosen to want to meet with you.. now all that is left is for us to want to meet Him too! We have to allow God to meet us, because God will never force His will on us and will never force us to do what He wants us to do..He wants to meet us, but He only can if we want to meet Him as well! in fact He promises to meet us if we want to meet Him! Jeremiah 29:13 - You shall seek me and you shall find me when you seek with all your heart Deuteronomy 4:29 - But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. Acts 17:26-27 - From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. (God wants us to seek Him!) and God always keeps His promises! Joshua 23:14 - Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the LORD your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed. God will meet us.. God WANTS to meet us, it is only now up to us to meet Him! the final reason is simply.. prayer.. ive been praying so much for everyone, for everyone to go for camp.. because the more people that go for camp, the more people that God can meet! im really so excited about this because, this is not only the start of something big! it is the start of somethig deep in the lives of the people! prayer has to be one of the very foundations of our faith and it is through prayer and my quiet time that i have learnt so many things about God and His plans for me! prayer is a reason for me to be excited because i believe that through prayer many things can be done! through prayer, God can start to stir in the hearts of people! that God hears our prayers and God answers our prayers! do you have someone you want to come for camp? PRAY! and ask God to allow them to come.. ask God to stir in their hearts the desire to come! do you know someone who is coming for camp that needs a fresh touch from God? PRAY! ask God to meet them in the camp and move powerfully in their lives, that their lives will be changed! we want to see a breakthrough! yes we all agree that we want to see a breakthrough! but i firmly believe that it has to start on our knees! we have to take the stand for the people we care about by praying! want to see a breakthrough in YOUR life? pray! ask God to start preparing you for the camp.. to prepare you spiritually, to enable you to be sensitive to His whispers and His voice! PRAY! ask God to touch your friends! i do not want ANYONE to be left behind! i want everyone to be changed! i want everyone to experience the touch of God, but i dont want that touch to be just a feeling.. just spritual high and we get satisfied by it.. no.. i want that touch to be the touch that changes us.. changes our lives.. and the touch that brings us to our knees in repentence, where we know that we are not doing enough, where we know that we do not have enough of God in our lives. where we know that we are not satisfied with how much of our lives are not being used for God! i want that for each and every one of us.. i want us to only be satisfied when we give our ALL to God! 100%.. thats what i want for each and every one of you.. yes you.. the person reading this right now.. my target for this camp is YOU will YOU be set apart?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
well well, after a long hiatus here is finally a post, you know ive been thinking.. how can one truely say that he is satisfied in Christ and really mean it.. well heres my answer and part of my thought process..
many of us being in our teenage years look for relationships and stuff to fufill our desires for companionship, a desire to know that we are loved and can love someone in return, it almost gives us a sense of normalicy if you will. but u know i've been in a close relationship with God for the past 4 years plus since my breakup and you dont see me rushing off to get a girlfriend do you? not to say that i have not liked anyone. but rather, i find my peace and fufillment in Him who gives me strength, in Him who i share my life with and in Him who gives me peace. yes i know that alot of you will say that it is because in my extreme loser-dom i cant find myself a girlfriend or rather i cant "nab" the girl that i like but no, im strangely at peace with being single.. Jeremiah 29:13 - you will see Me and you will find Me when you seek with all your heart. here you have God's promise. if you seek Him and if you truthfully want Him to come into your life again, He will be there. and as for human companionship, Seek Ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. perhaps its time to first seek the Godly relationship with Him first yes? you see its never easy. not even for me.. i have my times where i feel down and depressed and feel like God has deserted me, but the real truth is that He has never deserted me. He has always been there but i have turned my back on Him. Think of it this way, in Genesis God created the heavens and the earth right? well now think about the heavens, and the earth and the universe and all its galaxies and so forth.. now think about yourself, who you are.. arnt you but a speck of nothingness in that whole array and vastness of the universe? but yet what does it say in Isiah 44:24? This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, who formed you in the womb: I am the LORD, who has made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself, your Redeemer, who formed you in the womb doesnt this say something to you? you very well may not have been created by God, He could have easily dismissed the notion of forming you, but YET He forms you in the womb, He knows you by name, now why would God form a speck of nothingness and know it by name if He did not love it? God loves you and desires a relationship with YOU. lets start from there ok? its how i started again those years back.. back at the basics. and dont we all desire a true and real relationship? well the only reason why i have so much conviction and faith in what i say is because God sought me out when i was looking for Him too(again look at Jeremiah 29:13) in my walk with God i have learnt to trust in Him, to walk with Him and thus my experiences with Him are what gives me so much conviction and faith in Him in the first place.. and trust me because i speak from experience its kinda like how you inevitably always grow closer to your friends and make friends very quickly when ur thrown into an adventure camp or an adventrue trip, its because you have no choice but to trust in the people you are with, sometimes with your lives.. and thats how you get to know them better and thats how you trust them.. in the same way, in my experiences with God, i grew to not only trust Him but to listen to Him and to share my life with Him.. and you know what? i dont regret one bit seeking God out, not at all. because i can surely say this: in God, i have found a true relationship. i am satisfied with and in Him and even if i do not find a girlfriend or a wife to share the rest of my life with, i will be happy because God is the one that satisfies me. because He alone is sufficient for me. and i believe that, with all my heart.(yes people you heard it here first on my blog) its not very hard to start, but once you do. its a great life.. dont get me wrong, it will not be easy at all.. and you will take time to allow Him to change you, you will not change overnight. but believe me when i say its all worth it. i feel its worth it.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
ehh jimmy you're damn screwed up la.. wth are you thinking man.. like seriously.. just because you feel that the girl wont ever like you it gives you the reason to go look for any other girl meh? wth do you think it says about you and your liking for rebecca? freak man.. you tell me that shes the one and all the bullshit and then as soon as you think she doesnt like you, you go and tell me that you're thinking of just finding someone else just so you can be in a relationship and not alone? heck man you're pathetic. everything you said about liking rebecca and how shes like the only one for you are just lies man.. really.. i feel damn disgusted.. honestly! freaking hell la.. all ur doing by ur actions is just telling me and everyone else that this girl that you've self proclaimed is the only girl for you is easily replaced by just any other girl.. freaking unfair to her la.. so much for "i'd do anything for her" the moment you think you dont stand a chance you jump ship. and its not like you have anyone else in mind.. you just freaking want to jump to "anyone" so you can fell wanted.. freaking pathetic.. freaking freaking pathetic.. im damn glad that rebecca didnt end up with you man.. to have a guy like that as a boyfriend would be the freaking worst curse that God could ever put on anyone.. shit man.. im too disgusted to say anything else.. you really deserve to be alone..
freak i cant believe people now a days.. im damn pissed off.. like wth la.. how can he just do that.. its like telling the world that his love has no value la.. and that the girl has no value in her entirety.. like wth man.. its damn wrong..i mean correct me if im wrong but after telling me all that stuff about how much he likes her and how he wants to take care of her.. and then suddenly out of the blue telling me that he think she doesnt like him and then wants to go with any other girl is damn pathetic la.. it just shows that his liking for that girl doesnt hold any truth in it la.. he's not even sad that he thinks she doesnt like him.. he just wants to feel in a relationship.. freak man.. its damn disgusting.. i would never do that.. its freaking unfair to the people involved la.. i would never do that man..not in a million years..its a damn disgusting thing to do.. he realli doesnt deserve anyone man.. freak in other "news" im in a stay in course.. and thats about all i can say about the SAF course im in.. damn lame right? but rules are rules.. i've already been charged before so im not gona risk it again.. heh.. i hate stay in courses.. freak i've got to stop cursing so much crap well at least thats better.. heh cya all arnd
Monday, October 13, 2008
ok i shall now perform a very last ditch attempt in order to revive this blog as well as a small part of my sanity. seeing as to how the operations have gone successfully.. at least i think they did and that now my cast is off.. i guess i can safely say that i am extremly happy that i have once again regained full use of my arms and can now type as fast as i used to with even my eyes close.. its nice to now tht some things dont really chnge even after a long absence.. hahaha but that s not really the point.. you know i've really gotten to thinking these past few days.. ok fine i always think but the fact that im writing this down means that my option for outlets for thought is somewhat limited now.. i have so got to get myself a new stress book..
but let me share with you readers (however few of you that actually bother to visit this fastapproachingdeathofablog) what i've sorta been thinking of these past few days.. on the topic of relationships.. you know what really struck me? its this..why do people seek out a relationship with other people so much (lets call this for thought process' sake the human scale) but for some arcane and unbeknownst reason reject the idea of a relationship with God on a divine scale (again lets use divine scale for thought process' sake) and i started thinking why.. would not a meaningful relationship on the divine scale be so much better seeing as to how it would be a relationship with God and therefore a seemingly blessed and perfect relationship or at the very least better than a relationship between fallen beings like ourselves? but yet why do so many of us reject even the idea of having a relationship with God and dont even give it a chance? and for those of us who do give it a chance and have experienced what a wonderful thing it is, why do we so often turn back to longing for or going after human scale relationships that we know in our hearts and in our minds are bound to lead us into a downward spiral? dont get me wrong, im not talking about relationships where the couple loves each other and work hard to make things work..but even those can go wrong no matter how hard the couple tries. neither am i against people getting together, if they like each other and stuff.. i do however have a problem with either party getting together with the other not because its a relationship they want to invest their time in but because they think it would be "fun" or because everyone is already in a relationship n so i want to be in one or any other reason except that they really care about the other person and want to get to know the person on a much deeper level.. but with respect to why people choose the human scale over the divine scale, what im talking about is this.. why is it that so many of us, having the freedom to choose i.e. being told by others, encouraged by others and so on to spend more time with God and to really just be alive in Him just refuse to and choose instead the huma scale relationship? it breaks my heart sometimes to see them going their own way and not knowing that the greatest relationship they will ever have and need is right under their noses, just that they never chose to accept it.. perhaps its the uh.. reality of it all? ok im not sure how to phrase it but perhaps its because its not something that they can see or feel physically? its not something that they can hold or something that they can lose themselves in? or at least thats what they think.. anyone who has had or has a relationship on the divine scale will know what i mean when i say that the relationship is something very real and can be grasped and can be felt, albiet nt physically but there is undoubtedly something that is very deep and meaningful in the relationship. and u know what? some people reject it because they dont think it can be as meaningful as a relationship on he human scale. and everytime i think about it and about the people in jym that i know are rejecting that relationship.. it breaks my heart so badly.. i wish i could get them to experience it, i wish i could make them feel how great it is to be in that relationship.. but thats the exact thing i cannot do.. not because of anything but because, like in all relationships. the person has to make the conscious decision and willingly go into the relationship to see why and how great it really is. being forced into a relationship, even one that is good for you, i feel is not right. because i feel that the conscious choice to go into the relationship is the one important thing that makes it last. but yet what about those who have been in a divine scale relationship but stopped for one reason or another? well i guess i can sorta relate to that as well.. because it has happened to me.. even after experiencing how great a relationship on the divine scale really is, i have drifted and i have taken my eyes off God.. now the question to be asked is why? and for me i guess it really is the distraction of everything that really goes on in our daily lives. school, exams, homework, work, army, our service in church (yes even this.. but thats another topic for another time) and especially that girl/guy that we are totally smitten by.. i guess thats the problem with us in the world, we'd much rather go for something we can physically see and touch rather than somthing that we can feel in another way? im not really sure how to put it but its like how a little kid thinks that water is more important than air because they can see and drink water but breathing comes so naturally to them? something like that..its not a very good analogy but the point im trying to put across is that water seem more impt because its something that can be drank, felt and seen but air is just there.. if there is no wind we cant feel it,we just breathe and in a sense take it for granted.. and in the same way God is always there.. and we cant see Him.. so many times we go for what can be seen, what can be heard. something like that.. it goes much deeper in my thought process but i shall spare you all the mind numbing and boring process of my thoughts. and as i said.. it has happened to me. but the thing that really breaks my heart is this.. what of those who know that they should have a relationship of a divine scale but yet choose not to.. what of these people.. which im not afraid to but it breaks my heart to say that in JYM we have quite a number.. this is not any passive agressive crap im bringing here but you all know who you are..but it breaks my heart man.. the question here is this.. what do or will you do? what can I do? the only thing i can do is pray for them and try to move them in the right direction.. i wish there was more i could do though.. but ultimately i cant make them choose that relationship, the most i can do is pray, and take an interest in their lives let them see what God is doing through me. the one thing that this whole thought process has led me to is this.. will i really be happy with anything other than a divine scale relationship? or to put it in a better way.. why am i looking for anything other than a divine scale relationship? will getting together with the girl i like really make me happy? will it really bring me happiness? i highly doubt so.. dont get me wrong.. i have nothing against getting into a relationship provided God tells me that the girl is for me.. after going through two very bad breakups i dont think i want another relationship that is not God centered. that being said, it doesnt mean and doesnt stop me frm liking someone now does it? of course it doesnt.. but at the risk of repeating myself, gettin together with that girl will not really make me happy now will it? besides, if i were to get together wit that girl knowing that God does not have her planned for me, i know that it can only end one way.. a break up where both sides get hurt.. now is that what i wish upon her? most definately not.. also, all the quarrels and all the stuff that we wld have to go through that will leave us even more bitter and all the pain that will come out of it.. i definately dont want that.. not for her anyway.. i'd much rather stay as a close friend to her than lose her friendship because of this.. bottom line is that i wont get into a relationship until God tells me to because its for the best.. and if i say i like this girl then i really shouldn't get into a relationship with her knowing that it will not work out.. haha not that i actually have a chance to get together with that girl in the first place anyway.. she doesn know i like her.. but thats besides the point.. im saying IF the situation ever arises i'll know what to do.. haha easy to say now.. we'll just see what happens IF it ever occurs.. haha well this ends my thought process on this issue.. and thus the beginning of the revival of my blog.. i hope
Thursday, July 24, 2008
ok so after a long time in camp and after countless time spent procrastinating i've finally decided to come back to blogging.. and as we all know lots have been going on in my life.. some of you know more of whats been going on in my life than others but thats a different story. now the basis of what has been going on as we all know is my expulsion from OCS, im not allowed to go very much into the details of the incident im afraid, you'll have to ask me personally if you want to find out. but in anycase i think i have quite abit to blog about today.. nevermind the fact that its been so long since i blogged and nevermind the fact that i feel quite down because of some other thing.. i have a lot to share about God's greatness and how much i really feel He is working in my life.
through this whole thing i realli learned many valuable lessons la.. and i really thank God for the support of many people.. to name a few Ryan, Kaimin, Denise, Nadine, Glenn, Pastor Henry, Caleb, Adrian and Amos (in no particular order) i believe that God sent people like them into my life at that point in time to help me through the whole thing. and if it wernt for them i really dont think i would have gotten through this situation the way i have. what i really want to say i guess is that even in such a situation, i believe that God's name can be glorified. and i really believe that even though i have done sth so wrong and stuff, God has indeed really brought me out of this in many more ways than i can imagine, this indeed has been my third point of surrender. now for the part where i bring all the glory and honour to God, first let me say this, any change that has come out from me for the better is all the doing of the one true God, because no body else can ever change me, not in this way. i have been too prideful for too long, so much so that i have forgotten what it meant to really bring the honour and glory to God, what it really meant to worship Him. because for a good 3 months, worship to me meant just simply singing praises to Him and that was it, i forgot that the main reason why we worship is because we want to show everyone how much we love our God, the main reason why we worship is because we want to bring all glory and honour to God, worship to me is the outward expression of the innermost desire of my heart to glorify the one living God, and i forgot that. for a good 3 months, since i entered professional term in OCS. its funny how everything can change in a short period of 3 months, ever since i finished my service term in OCS, it gradually became not about God anymore. it became about me. it became about my pride and how i was able to do and go through OCS by myself.. i guess everything started because it came to a point where i realised that i would most likely make it.. i would most likely become an officer and in the end most likely have the pride of standing on that parade square on the 13th of september to be comissioned and to recieve that one black bar as a sign that i have passed the gruelling trauma of the OCC (officer cadet course) im not going to lie and say that it isnt painful and that it was really easy for me to accept. it wasnt, in fact it was so difficult for me to accept that i at one point was really angry with God. i mean if Caleb had just come with us this whole thing would never have happened, he would never allow it to. why didnt God just allow Caleb to come? well i guess its because if Caleb did, than none of this would ever have happened, i would never go through my third point of surrender and never have been able to deal with my pride. not that its totally been dealt with but it has taken huge leaps ahead.. and for that i am thankful. if anything if this situation only served to deal with my pride, i am thankful. but it served to deal with so much more than that, it serves to help me learn so much more. and for that i am thankful. so thankful in fact that i am actually happy it happened. the first thing this situation has helped me deal with is my pride, because after my service term, it no longer became about God, it became about me. it became about showing everyone that ever thought i would amount to nothing, that i could do something. it became about me showing and proving to all those parents that told their kids to stay away from me that they were wrong about me, they were wrong to judge me and they were wrong that i would never become anyone or do anything remotely good. can u see the pride in that? can you see how much pride there was? i could, and God helped me see it.. He helped me to understand that it was because of my pride, because i have taken my eyes away from Him. He took it all away because He knew that had i continued and became an officer i would have had so much pride. already i was turning my eyes away from Him when i was a cadet, what more an officer? He chose to take it away from me because He knew only a huge shock like this would make me wake up and deal with me. because He knew that nothing short of a huge shock like this would make me sit up and realise how much i need Him to increase and me to decrease. in my spiritual journal i wrote that at the end of the day i wanted to say that the bars on my shoulders could only have come from God, and i know that if i had continued and comissioned, i would never say that they came from God, i would have said they came from me and my hard work. thats why i am thankful for what happened. i am thankful that God helped me deal with my pride the next thing that He made me learn is this, who do i really find my identity in? do i find my identity in being a cadet and then an officer? or do i find my identity in being a child of God? i want to find my identity in being a child of God and not my earthly achievements. again this ties down to pride, does it really mean that much to me that i become an officer? or does being a child of God that is forgiven by Him, taken by Him and molded by Him after going through this mean more to me? do i find my identity in Him more important than being an officer that everyone respects? or do i just want to be an officer so everyone can look at me and go "woah there's an officer, one of the leaders of the country" ? even then, respect isnt automatically earned by status, it is earned through actions. and i know that God has helped me through and helped me learn from this another thing is simply to deal with the fact that i always cover up for other people.. heh this has probably got to be one of the things that has infuriated pastor Henry alot. for as long as i can remember i have always been covering up for others and yea. its not right la.. i guess God is trying to tell me that as well as show me that He does not tolerate sin. the means can never and should never be used to justify the ends. and that is a lesson that i have learnt albiet the hard way. finally i know this whole thing was allowed to happen because it was to break me.. there is no room for pride in me if i really want God to work in me.. there is no room for me and my plans if i want God's plans in my life. this whole thing happened so that God can break me and mold me into the person that He wants me to be.. so that i could once again surrender who i am and what i am and what i want for my life to Him in exchange for who He wants me to be and what He wants me to be and His best plans for my life.. and that i believe is what i truely want.. i guess if i really believe that He wants me to go into full time, i definately have to learn how to submit all i am and all i have to Him.. as well as the fact that there isnt any room for my pride if i am going to serve Him full time now is there?? anyway im just glad that He helped pull me through la.. the last thing i am thankful for is that i know now how many people do support me.. even some i didnt think would in the first place, so many people that cared and so many people that actually helped in one way or another.. all those who prayed and all those who msged and everything.. it really helped me to see that God has put many people in my life that care for me. im thankful to know that the people in church dont judge me for what i did even though i already did it .. thank you all aite im off.. peace out
Sunday, April 27, 2008
ok.. so in this short perio of time im just gona do a slight bit of blogging.. today was a good day.. sundays usually are.. but very much so today because alot of good things happened.. and well the last week may have been really tough because of the training...but today just made the whole week a good week.. thats how good today was.. it turned a horrible week into a good one in the course of one day..
anyway just a little update to the people that actually bother to read this blog even though its been almost an eternity since i blogged.. this blog is not dead.. and the 24/7 prayer thing had during easter week was magnificent.. i really was able to settle alot of things with God.. and He was able to teach me a whole bunch.. helped me deal with a great big thing called jealousy as well.. thats something i will always thank Him for! =) aite i dont have much more time so... gotta go.. |
The
Links layer.. people like little miss pouty face will reside in this
hole.. So far in the links page.. (by surnames then nicknames then finally real name) Ang
(Krayle) Rachel |
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